Thinking
by LittleGoldenWolf
Summary: Bella's thinking about how Edward treats her and how she wants to be treated. Just a drabble about Bella and Edward's relationship.Sorta based on the song Gravity by Sara Bareilles.Please read and review!


Hey! Now i know that i'vw already put this out there, but i thought that with a rewrite it might...flow better. If you know what i mean.  
And...i've got to say...hands up if you have New Moon on DVD, and its not a copy!  
* rasies hand*  
Lol, i got it today from amazon and my god...its better than at the first time i saw it at the cinema.  
Anyway...back to the story i hope you like it and PLEASE reveiw!!! PLEASE.  
Based around Gravity by Sara Bareilles ( listen to this while you read)

* * *

I was sat at First beach, thinking over what had happened. How he had said I couldn't see Jake anymore.

I thought about so many things. I thought about my actual relationship with him for once. And I was shocked about what I realised. How I somehow always found myself unavoidability drawn to him. No matter how I tried to ignore it, ignore him. How I was always going back to him, no matter if I wanted to or not. I could always feel him here.

His hold on me is invisible, but _so_ strong. It was like being chained to a wall, I couldn't get free. I really wanted this. I wanted to be loved, to feel it. I wanted it, I know I did, but…

If he left me be?

If he set me free?

What would it be like? What would it be like to feel that from someone, someone who loved me romantically? God, I wish I could find out. I wanted to be let go for once, to see what it would be like to feel without this bound, this tug at my heart and my body. Saying that I had to behave, that I had to bend to his voice.

I stand so tall by myself, but he's all over me, covering me with protection. Protection I didn't need and didn't want, that was just plain unnecessary and annoying.

He loves me because I'm fragile, but I thought I was strong. I thought I was stronger than to fall so in love with someone that I wouldn't be able to get out of it. He wants me because he can control me and I won't complain. I never did, now I thought about it.

He touches me for a while and then all my fragile strength is gone. I fall in his gravity. Completely unresisting to it.

_Set me free, please. _

_I want to be me. _

_Let me be. _

_Let me free. _

Begging was something I never thought I would resort to, partially since he can't actually read my mind. But, somehow its a way of telling him. I can't explain it. I want to stand by myself, free, like I'm supposed to be. But he's on to what I want. He's all over me again.

_I've got to make him see, I have what I need, but not what I want. _

_Not my freedom. _

Everything I need I have. Tonight I want to be me, but I can't seem to let him go. It was like something that I couldn't control, but something that I wanted to control. My god, why does it have to be so confusing? I was happy…

If I know one thing it's that he's keeping me down. He's keeping me back, away from what's happening. Away from my friends, from Jake. My sunshine, the air I breath.

Jake was right, Edward was a drug, something I had grown so attached to that I thought it was impossible to let go of.

But he wasn't, I could let go of him, I just had to let go of him completely. I know that something always brings me back to him, that it never takes to long. But now I was going to fight it. I didn't want to be his fragile, breakable, precious Bella anymore.

I stood up and looked out to the ocean, a grin spread on my lips.

You really are a bad influence Jake.

" Fuck you Edward!" I yelled, knowing full well he could hear me.

The waves crashed against the shore, spray hitting my face lightly. I giggled, astonishing I know, but I actually felt better.

_God I sounded…genuinely happy. _

My giggle turned into a laugh and soon I was almost crying with laughter. I just couldn't help it. I felt so free!

" Its good to see you laughing about something." A deep, husky voice said from behind me.

I turned and saw Jacob. I smiled at his obvious joy, he had heard me too. I walked to him and then, as I let out an uncontrollable giggle, I was swept up into two, big, warm arms. Jake didn't set me back down, rather he held me to him, his goofy smile making me giggle and snort with laughter and mirth. I just smiled as I nuzzled my face into Jake's neck, breathing in his unique aroma. Crushed pines needles, the musky sent of wolf, and sunshine. Jake smelt like sunshine.

" I'm always happy with you Jacob…always." I whispered into his neck.

" Well then, I guess your not going anywhere fast, are you?" he breathed, his voice tight with joy.

I smirked.

" Try and get rid of me."

* * *

Well...what'd think? Let me know! XX


End file.
